Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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