i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i love accidental penises.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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