hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
