if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
