I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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