A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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