Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
