someone threw a dead crab at me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Randomize
