I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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