remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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