a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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