carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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