Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
