is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
