My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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