so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
