In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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