i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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