we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
