Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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