I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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