remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
