He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
