I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
