if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
