I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
