um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
