Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
