Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
