Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
