i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
