Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
