I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
