HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
