drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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