i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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