So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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