Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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