Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
