He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
