Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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