I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
