During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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