I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
