I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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