hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
