where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
