I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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