she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
