She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
