phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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