That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He felt like a one man threesome
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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