I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This house was built for laser tag.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
