i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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