I bet he comes in French.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
