Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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