Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
