Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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