the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
