in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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