You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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