I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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