Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
