Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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