check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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