sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize