she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
