do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Acid is not a monday night drug
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize