Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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