why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize