at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
