puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
