I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
