I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
