you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
