remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
