Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
