my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
