Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
