I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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