so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
