Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
