if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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