you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
