I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize