i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
