I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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