I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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