it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
