I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
