He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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