I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm passing your future prison.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
