The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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