so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
