have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
