I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
