Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So squirting runs in the family.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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