Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
