i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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