She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize