my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
