Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
