I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
