hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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