seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
