Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
