I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize