Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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