You can't special order awesome
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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