Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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