I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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